So recently I’ve been thinking of this thing called depression. Sometimes I find myself fighting it. Not to the point that I’m going to jump off a building or anything, but lately I’ve been really tired all the time, I think my stress level is a little higher and I can definitely feel myself sinking (or swimming). Last week I saw this documentary thing called “Supersize Me”. It was really good. It’s about this guy who goes on a McDonald’s diet for 30 days. That means that he can only eat McDonald’s food for 30 days. The guy in the film discusses depression and how he feels depressed because he’s consuming a high-fat diet and lots of caffeine. I wondered if caffeine was helping my depressive moods. I tried a little test by cutting out the soda I’ve been drinking. Not completely, but significantly. I’ve only had two Diet Cokes in the last week (as opposed to one or two a day). So far the results have been inconclusive. Not really sure the cause. But I see the effects and I don’t like them. For one, I severely lack motivation (not sure about that one either). I knew going in to this year that it would be tough and now that the end is in sight, I just don’t care either way. Therein lies the problem. I know that God told me that this year would be tough and to just stick it out and here I am six weeks from the end of the year and I feel like throwing in the towel.

Other than that depressing part things are going pretty good. I just had a great MiniChurch. I really love them a lot. I got to play golf with Kawakami today. He smoked me 8-1, it was pathetic. I couldn’t chip or putt to save my life. My drives were also inconsistent and my ball-striking was terrible. But, it was still golf so I had fun. I also mowed the lawn today. I was getting lots of comments on the length of my grass so rather than wait for my brother to take care of it (since he assumed responsibility of the yard by deciding that the guy we previously had mowing are lawn should be replaced) I just decided to do it myself. But our washing machine is still broken and now the shelves outside fell down (possibly because Charlie knocked it over). So many things to do. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed (maybe this is how depression creeps in).

Yesterday during staff discipleship we heard this guy talk about pastors being people first. Therefore, we need to take care of ourselves as people first before we can take care of ourselves as pastors. I think what I really need is a vacation to just get away. Maybe I’ll be able to take one at the end of the year or early next year. I hope so. I’m feeling pretty licked. Boy this turned out to be a kind of a bummer of an entry. Sorry you had to read this. Oh well, I suppose if you don’t like it then you can read something else. Anyway, “But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him” (Hebrews 11:6). All right guys, keep the faith. It’s important.