About a month and a half ago, I started substitute teaching in a few private schools on Oahu. I have been averaging around one or two days a week and thus far, it’s been really fun. I enjoy being able to meet and teach students when their regular teacher is absent. Up until last week, I had been fortunate enough to teach subjects that I have, at a minimum, a basic understanding of: PE, hula, environmental science and physics. But last week, that all changed.
As I checked in at the office, the administrator asked me if I had a math background. I said, “no, but I took math in high school so I know high school math.” No problem right? Wrong! I walked into the classroom, looked at the blackboard and knew all at once that I had no chance of faking it. It got even worse when one of the girls ran up to me and asked, “You’re good at math right? I need lots of help!” I’ll never forget the look on her face when I informed her that I was a history major. It was as if all hope slowly drained from her face.
This gibberish is what taunted me as I entered the room for the first time.
Many times in our lives we will be faced with tough situations and unfamiliar territory. In fact, I am in such a season right now. But like most circumstances in our lives, they are out of our control. We cannot control the weather, other drivers or even our pets. They all operate out of our control. All we can do is try our best to react to everything in a way that would make God proud.
This morning, as I was reading Psalm 139, I came across two verses that I believe are some of the hardest for me to pray.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” -Psalm 139:23-24
I don’t know about you, but it’s way easier to blame everyone and everything for anything that goes wrong in my life. It’s much harder to accept the fact that maybe, just maybe, I have a part to play in all my circumstances. If I make sure I’m allowing God to work in me for the sake of a better me then the circumstances, no matter how hard, should be bearable because I know there’s a greater outcome than the temporary uncomfortableness I’m feeling. So even if it’s hard to pray, my prayer today is to allow God open access to search me and test me and to point out all the offensive things in my life. When He can do that then my heart will be in a place to allow Him to lead me along the path of everlasting life.